Our witless and trusting bovine chums will thank you for making this vegetarian interpretation of the stratified minced beef, pasta and sauce standard. This version is better than you might think. Chop the aubergine and pepper very thoroughly in the ‘chopper upperer’ as you want a nice dense filling. Be meticulous about trimming your pasta sheets to fit your oven dish. You don’t want any crusty bits sticking out.
Heat the oil in a large frying pan, add the onion and cook until it softens – around 4 minutes. Then add the garlic and cook for a further 5 minutes. Keep stirring, you halfwit.
Add the aubergine and cook for another 5 minutes, until it starts to go brown. Throw in the pepper, tomatoes and lentils. Season and cook gently for 30 minutes. If the mixture becomes a bit dry, add a splash of water. Once cooked, stir in the chopped parsley and let it cool.
Preheat the oven to 200ºC/gas 6.
To make the white sauce, melt the butter in a medium saucepan without letting it burn, then whisk in the flour, a little at a time, stirring until it’s well incorporated. It should stick together but not quite form a ball. Cook for a few minutes, whisking constantly, so the flour cooks out.
Slowly whisk in the milk, a little at a time, until it thickens. Keep stirring, then add in some freshly grated nutmeg.
In your baking dish, layer the veg sauce, followed by pasta, followed by more veg sauce, followed by white sauce. Add another layer of pasta and then repeat the layers, finishing with the white sauce. Trim and arrange the pasta sheets so there are no ugly bits sticking out.
Scatter the cheese on top and bake for 30 minutes until the top is golden brown.
Serve on plates with cutlery. [!]